Granny Smith out-tastes Red Beautiful,
but I dislike all apples. Throw it at a windshield
and suffocate a Jaguar with confetti
and caramel apple suckers.

Or better, cut off my tongue
because all sweets are saccharin
and I speak like a cancerous cat
or someone with a smoke-hole
in their esophagus.

Go forth and be Epicurean
while Epicurus meditates and eats bran.